The Spoony Experiment
by HockeyMonk
Summary: One by one the reviewers of Channel Awesome are being brainwashed by an inter-dimensional menace. Can the Nostalgia Critic stop it and save his colleagues and, more importantly, does he even want to?
1. Chapter 1

"The Spoony Experiment"

_Note: Sometimes when I'm just sitting around doing nothing, or more likely watching somebody else do something, I'll get a burst of inspiration and just have to write whatever pops into my head down. All Characters portrayed within are the respective properties of the personalities who work at Channel Awesome, with the exception of Trevor who belongs to Sierra Entertainment._

_All events portrayed within are entirely fictional, and any similarity to real events would be totally awesome. Heads up though, there's going to be mild swearing, mild violence, and comic mischief so those of you with weak stomachs should probably have nothing to worry about._

_I actually feel kind of proud of this, and if any of the people portrayed within actually read this I just want you to know you guys are totally awesome and I hope you like it._

Prologue: Benzaie

It was near three in the morning in a small town in France. Many of the apartments along the cobbled road had darkened windows, but one lone flat had a small glow emanating from it.

Which was odd, because that particular one was usually lit up like a Christmas tree at all hours.

The locals avoided that particular apartment's occupier. It was said he was mad. Concerned parties left food at his door, and in return he rarely ventured out to make mischief anymore. By now they had learned not to complain about the smell...

Benzaie, l'homme qui interrompre.

The blinding fluorescent lights were turned out for the first time in year, but a small lamp shone brightly upon the desk where Benzaie worked. The ethereal radiance made the totems on his wall look sinister. The man himself looked the part of a madman, his eyes bloodshot and he pored over the casing of wires and circuits. He had gone through much top obtain this evil-looking electronic device.

Actually, it looked more like an X-Box remote.

"Beary, I do believe I have discovered what is amiss—"

"Now I know what you are thinking, "Benzaie, how can you be zo smart?"—"

"Insano's science is impressive, but with ze right know-how I _can_ use it towards my own ends."

Beary looked back at his Brother, Father, and Lover and sighed. It had been months since they had scoured the burn out ruins of a house for the corpse of the Spoony One. The body was never found, and soon the man in brown—What was his name? Linkara. Linkara had cloned Spoony using the genetic material he had scavenged. Benzaie, however, found within the detritus something he found very interesting indeed.

"Benzaie, I don't like it, please put it away."

"Not now, I am zo close—"

"Hand me zose batteries, would you?"

Beary slumped against the window. Actually, slumping was all the poor ursine could do, as he was over 80% ass. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a group of people enter the building. Strange, he thought, The Deletours aren't the sort for late night jaunts.

Sparks emitted from the workbench as Benzaie made the finishing touches with his soldering iron. Beary could hear heavy footsteps begin to move up the stairs.

Benzaie gingerly clicked the fission batteries into place and replaced the casing. Beary saw shadows appear behind the door.

"Victory!" Benzaie thrust the time compressor into the air triumphantly.

BLAM! The bolt flew across the room as the door sprung open, interrupting Benzaie's victory dance. Benzaie dropped the Time Compressor in fright, but a look of befuddlement washed over his face as he recognized the silhouetted figures.

"Angry Joe! Hope within Chaos! What are you doing here?"

"Late at Night?"

"In France?"

Angry Joe's eyes were still shrouded in darkness, but heis wide grin unnerved Benzaie. The monolith that was Hope remained stone faced. Slowly the two walked forward, and in the small light of the desk lamp Benzaie could see that they both wore matching goggles. HIS Goggles. Insano's Goggles. Benzaie found himself rooted to the ground in fear as the two grabbed him and pinned his arms to his sides.

"Joe! Hope! Fight zis, I know you can!"

"Oh, please." Said a new voice, still hidden behind the doorway. "If Joe and Hope can't resist, who could? You'd have to be blind not to see."

Benzaie's fear turned to terror as Linkara, his friend, stepped from the hall outside. He too wore the sinister goggles.

"No…" uttered Benzaie

"The Master wishes you good health Benzaie, and would like to thank you for completing the time compressor. You'll have a high position as one of the disciples once you hand it over. Now, if you would…?"

"Th-the Time compressor? Ooooo…" Benzaie looked down where he had dropped it, but to his amazement it had vanished. There was a squeak noise from the window and the four turned to see a plump snowy ball squeeze its way through the small crack it had made.

"Beary, No!" Benzaie shouted as Angry Joe lunged towards the winds. He made a grab for the bear but clutched only air as Beary and the Compressor tumbled towards the street below, into the darkness. Joe made a move towards the door, but Linkara stopped him with a hand, as he put his other one to his goggles.

"Yes, you saw what happened? Yes, it was the chubby polar bear. O.k., roger that. And Benzaie? Excellent, thank you Master."

Linkara turned to Angry Joe. "The bear is small and knows the area too well, we'll never find him. However, our benefactor has an idea of where he may go, with any luck we will be able to route him as well as dig up another pawn."

He turned back to Benzaie and reached into the pocket of his blazer. "Do not worry old friend. Though your bear will suffer dearly for what has happened, The Master would like to thank you for your co-operation. You've gained a well deserved spot in our leader's army." He pulled out an identical pair of the villainous eyewear.

"Linkara…No…please…" Benzaie pleaded.

"Just open your eyes Benzaie" Linkara told him as he slipped the goggles onto his face "And when you open your eyes, the beauty of my plan will be revealed."

Benzaie felt a sharp pain run up through his eyes and into his brain as the goggles locked onto his ears and over his eyes, and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1: Spoony & The Nostalgia Chick

A blue flash lit up the living room and The Nostalgia Chick materialized amidst the fried chicken buckets and candy bar wrappers that littered the floor, looking revolted at the living conditions of her colleague. The Spoony One had been behaving erratically lately, and the CEOs of Channel Awesome had made it the reviewers' duty to keep watch on him. They surmised that it most likely had to do with the cloning job Linkara did, but so far they'd been unable to reach him.

The Chick hated being on Spoony shift, but what had made it worse is that it was supposed to be Handsome Tom & 8-bit Mickey's turn to watch him, but they had gone AWOL. The powers that be assured The Chick that the two would be disciplined, but that didn't change the fact that she'd have to hang out with Spoony for the whole day.

*Bzzzt*"Hey Chick, you arrive O.k.?"

The Chick turned to an intercom in Spoony's wall. Mike Ellis was basically the central command core for all of Channel Awesome

"Yeah, Mike, no missing limbs."

"Hey, no problem, it's what I do. And hey, when I track down those trouble-makers Tom & Mickey you'll owe me a dinner."

The Chick couldn't help but smile. "Sure thing, Mike."

"Lemme know when you want a beam-out. Ellis _out._"

The Chick turned back to the deed that lay before her, snoring in the pile of trash that was strewn around the room. She kicked him in the side.

"Wake up! We're going to the mall."

Spoony made a 'Skronk' noise and sat up. "Huhn? Wuh?" He looked at the Chick. "Oh, Hi, Chick! I thought Tom and 8-Bit were coming over today."

"They couldn't make it" the Chick growled at him. "C'mon, if I gotta hang out with you, I want to be somewhere that doesn't smell like Nella's closet. We're going to the mall."

"Uh-huh, sounds good." Spoony paused and looked uncomfortable. "Hey, you haven't seen Burton around, have you?"

"Your robot? I thought he couldn't move."

"Well mostly he doesn't, but I came home the other day and he was gone."

The Chick scowled, summing up her answer.

"Yeah, ok" Spoony said, taken aback. "You know, you don't have to be so mean."

This last remark was too much. "Don't act like you don't know what you did, Spoony!"

Spoony looked more confused and upset, but said nothing. The Chick stormed outside to wait while Spoony looked for his wallet. The nerve, she thought, how could he just act like nothing happened last year when she woke up in bed next to him, her mind reeling, blank of the night before? Spoony didn't seem like the sort of unsavory character who would drug a girl, and indeed Goggles had been there too and seemed totally into it. But she just couldn't think of any other way it could have happened…

Spoony appeared in the doorway, but in his haste tripped over his shoelaces. The Chick scowled at him as he bent down to tie them, and Spoony returned it with a hurt look.

The funny thing was, Spoony seemed to have forgotten the whole thing.

Chapter 2: JewWario

The sun had risen early that morning so that by the afternoon each blade of grass and block of sidewalk almost glowed with welcoming warmth that invited the young and old alike to come and bask in the springtime glow. Down the street children played in the sprinklers while parents mowed their lawns happily or exchanged friendly gossip over white picket fences and lemonade.

JewWario stood on his porch, warming in the sun, smiling at the vista before him. Some of the other reviewers at Channel Awesome had their own zeal, The Critic or Linkara sought to fight the demons of false creativity while other saw it as the window to fame and fortune. Many enjoyed their work, but none relished it more than JewWario. Perhaps it was his task of constructing rather than destructing, spreading the word of wonderful games instead of crushing the mediocre that led to this, but it didn't matter to him. He was happy.

Old Mr. Pettigrew the postman came trotting up the walk, balancing several packages. JewWario met him halfway along the path to relive him of his burden.

Mr. Pettigrew let out a whistle of relief. "Thank you kindly, Mr. Wario. I tell you, here was a time when this old body could've carried three times that and covered the whole neighborhood in 7 minutes flat. But I keep on going, no matter what Father Time says." He looked at the expensive air mail stamps that dotted the packages. "Y'know, I wouldn't be surprised if you and your suppliers kept the entire Postal Service afloat with your business alone. What exotic games of the far east are we to expect this week, if you don't mind me asking?"

JewWario laughed and tapped the side of his nose. "It's a surprise Mr. Pettigrew, you'll see."

Mr. Pettigrew gave him a shrewd smile and pointed a gnarled old finger at him. "You got cheek Mr. Wario, but I like that. Well if you're ever going to get to it you don't need me jawboning on your steps all day. G'day, Mr. Wario."

"Good Day!" called out JewWario and watched the old man as he walked to the next house, then turned and rushed back into his home.

He laid the packages out on the kitchen table and took out a knife, ready to relish the opening of each like a juicy orange peeled straight off the tree, but his expression of gleeful anticipation turned to puzzlement as he looked down. One of the packages was different from the many he had received in the past, oblong and wider. It certainly wasn't a video game, as it was absent of the foreign distributor and company marks of its brothers. He pushed the others aside and brought this one front and center, carefully cutting the tape along the edges of the box.

Inside was a pair of strange goggles and a note, which read "A gift from your friends at Channel Awesome!" JewWario smiled. It had been a while since he had talked to any of his fellow reviewers, and it was nice that they thought of him. He made a mental note to write a thank you letter, and began to examine the goggles.

They were very large, with wide reflective lenses with a thick black swirl moving towards the center of each. Goggles on the whole weren't JewWario's thing, but they seemed like a fun joke. Without a second thought, he slipped them on.

The first thing he felt was a strange exultation that wiped all feelings of presence and past from his mind. With a shock he realized he could see the others, Angry Joe, HopewithinChaos, Handsome Tom, and 8-Bit Mickey all linked in a psychic network.

"**Ah. JewWario. Welcome to the Web.**."

A loud voice boomed in JewWario's ears, but it was somehow calming. He liked this voice and wanted to make it happy. Suddenly all he could see were Goggles, but this too made him happy.

"**The Time has come for our Penultimate push. Angry Joe will recruit the Sage, and we will convene at the Bunker to take Paw and the Channel Awesome Relay Tower**."

JewWario felt Angry Joe give a low growl of appreciation, and felt his own face grin evilly.

"**Hope, you are to travel to the Channel Awesome Headquarters and capture the, but not recruit them**. **I want them to see what happens next**."

JewWario felt his own head nod in time with his colleague.

"**Linkara, it will be up to you to delegate the teams that will take down the Critic, the Chick, and the SpoonyOne**."

JewWario could sense nothing, but heard a familiar voice in his ear ask "Shall we recruit them or just detain them, Master?"

"**You Are to Eliminate them.**"

No emotions ran across the network of goggles this time and the transmission switched off. Slowly and silently JewWario rose from his chair and looked at the packages that not so long ago had been so important.

He felt his fingers twist around the knife again, and his face twist into a grin. He didn't know what this sudden new feeling was, but he _liked _it.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note__-Hi. Sorry about the lack of updates, I'm graduating college in a few days and school-works been bogging me down. I'd like to bring some happy news to the table, but unfourtunantly I'm going to be moving out of where I am now in July, which is a good thing for me but I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write. I'll do my best to get a lot done on this story before then though. Thank you for all your support!_

Chapter 3-Paw

Like the great beanstalk it rose out of the horizon over the dead land, its metal spire twisting hundreds of meters into the sky, poking through the clouds like a stick through a massive marshmallow. In the dark of night, if one craned their next and stared hard enough they could see the faint blinking of the red light that rested at the very top, sending messages out into deep space.

A lone brown truck puttered its way down the dirt road and came to a stop in front of the cement bunker and barbed wire fence that surrounded the spike. A battered wooden sign hung above it.

CHANNEL AWESOME RELAY TOWER

Opr. Paw Dugan

(Trespassers will be fragged)

The delivery man got out and slowly made his way to the bunker entrance, avoiding the land mines. When he reached the entrance safely he opened a hatch in the side of the building and dropped his package in. It tumbled for 50 feet down the cold metal chute before hitting a cushion at the bottom, which tilted to allow it to slide into the living quarters of the Bunker.

It sat in the dark for a moment. A low pitched hum started up, and slowly rose into an incessant whine. Behind a futon barrier, Paw Dugan's thumb moved over the red button of the detonator to his Sonic Destabilizer.

Another paw, a fluffy, white one, jabbed a hole in the brown cardboard and a little black nose poked through. "Hello? Mr. Dugan?"

Paw slid his digit back off the detonator and the whine ended. He stood up and walked past the barrier and picked up the box. Evil goggles didn't usually have fluffy arms. Whipping out his multi-tool he sliced the tape holding the box shut, noting the French Postmark. Inside was Beary.

"You're that bear that belongs to the Frenchman, right? Paw queried.

Beary looked up at him frightened. "You are Paw Dugan? My Father told me that if anything ever happened to the Channel that your bunker was the safe spot." He looked at the Sonic Disruptor. "Would that have killed me?"

"Hm? That? I dunno. It might've just given you a really bad case of the bends. It's just something I've been tinkering with really. I guess your presence here implies that Benzie has been taken by the Goggles?"

"Yes. I miss him. I'm supposed to give you this."

Beary handed him the Time Compressor. Paw fumbled with it.

"I've seen this somewhere before. What is this?"

"Don't Play With…htiW yalP t'noD…Don't Play With That!"

"Crap." Paw muttered as he cautiously placed the Compressor back in the box. "Now everyone's going to be dropping in."

Sage

"Crud…*Pant, Pant*…Crud"

The Sage chuffed along the alleyway, gasping for air. It felt like he'd been running for hours. He HAD been running for hours. Angry Joe would never give up easily, even without being brainwashed. Sage's only hope was to try to double back to his house, find his CA communicator and get in touch with Ellis, warp to one of the safe houses, maybe try to rally the other's help. If Angry Joe had gone rouge he would need an _Army _behind him.

Sage squeezed through a gap in a fence in a playground. From here he could duck into Marigold Street and make his way back to his house, but being in the open here wasn't safe. He made a bolt for the gate at the opposite end of the park but a beam of red light fell from the sky, scorching a line in the earth. His veins filled with panic and he ran back for the fence gap, but a second flare blocked his path. A third beam burned so close to him that it forced him to his knees, his eyes tearing from the heat. When he finally opened them a horrible sight lay before his eyes, A Giant 'A' burned into the ground. Then he looked to the sky.

Angry Joe descended, his arms outstretched from his sides, and he alighted upon a slide. "Sage, you fool. You cannot run." Teeth bared, he took a pair of the goggles from his jacket pocket. "Join us. The New World Order of the Goggled One will be much more pleasant than the Bureaucracy of Channel Awesome's ilk. Besides, I'll kill you otherwise."

Sage tried to run, but fell over the hardened black earth. In desperation he picked up a nearby rock and heaved it at Angry Joe, but it bounced harmlessly against his cranium. Joe laughed and flew forward faster than the eye could see, delivering a powerful blow to the jaw of the helpless Sage, which knocked him flying. Sage reeled upon the ground.

"It'll…Ow. It'll be a cold day in hell before I join you!"

"It's feeling chilly already!" Joe laughed and used his freeze-breath, enveloping Sage's legs in ice crystals, rooting him to the ground. He approached. "Much as I would like to rip you into tiny pieces, my superiors have instructed me that recruitment is to be executed at all cost. It'll all be over soon Sage."

"NO!"

A emerald beam flashed out of nowhere and struck Joe in the chest, knocking him into a see-saw. Sage looked up hazily and could see a shimmering portal form next to the merry-go-round. A figure emerged brandishing a gun pointing at Sage now. It let out a red flash and Sage winced, but the ice melted around him and the feeling returned to his legs. The figure ran over.

"Can you walk?" It asked and Sage nodded painfully. Together they made for the portal, but the figure stopped him before they entered. "There something I need to try, this may be my last chance to make this right; Gun, Tractor Beam!" He pointed it at Angry Joe and a cool-blue beam oozed out, grasping the goggles that adorned his face. They pulled them off but something unseen held them back as the gun began beeping a warning.

"Damn! We're too late! Come with me if you want to live!" The figure dove into the portal. Sage dove in after him as it closed, but could not shake the image burned into his brain, an image that he had never seen before and would never see again, the pleading fearful look that gazed out of Angry Joe's eyes before the goggles snapped back onto his face. The purple mist of the portal wrapped around him as he felt a spinning sensation curdle his stomach, and he dropped to the ground unconscious.

When Sage awoke he found himself in the same playground, but it was different. Paint and rust flecked off the decrepit equipment, and where Angry Joe had been knocked into the See-Saw a new body lie, curled up beneath a ratty old blanket. He crawled towards it cautiously.

"Angry Joe? Angry Joe is that you?" Sage nudged the body awake, but was horrified by what lay before him: Himself, mottled and pock-marked, cheap whiskey on his breath. The thing knocked Sage aside.

"Dun wake me up, gun getta job…reading stories, yeh."

Bennet S. Bum staggered to his feet and wandered out, lovingly clutching his bottle to his chest. Sage stared.

"Welcome to Bum World, the worst scum-hole in the Multiverse." Sage turned to see the figure that brought him here, sitting atop the slide smoking a cigarette. "I'm sorry, the worst scum-hole I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!" he chuckled and slid down. "Sorry, local humor."

Sage was beside himself "Look, I don't know who you are, but I need to get back and warn Channel Awesome."

"Channel Awesome will fall within the hour. Unless I can come up with a counter plan, all hope is lost. You think Angry Joe was the only one changed? They must have nearly everyone now."

"Look, I don't understand. Evil Awesomers? A Multiverse? What the heck are you going on about?"

"Brother," The figure turned to face him, and Sage gasped. It was the Spoony One, but older, slimmer, with a goatee ornamenting his façade. He looked at Sage sternly. "You don't know the half of it."


	4. Chapter 4

_Note__-Good News! I just bought a laptop of my very own, so I'll be able to keep writing once I move into my new place, assuming I'll have the time. As to Racerette's query, I don't think Kickassia'll change much in the story, but I don't think I'll be implementing any elements from it either. I've never been a huge fan of the 'Spoony is Insano' theory, but as Spoony has said numerous times Insano's own history is so muddled by his experiments in Hypertime his actual identity changes as often as his scrubs, so no big deal. I probably should have put a Spoiler alert there, but its been two weeks and if you're reading my story before watching Kickassia, I'll just say I'm flattered but I also think you should re-examine your priorities._

_But seriously, you guys are great. In the month of May I got almost more readers than the first two months combined. I don't know what the hell happened, but Thanks!_

Chapter 4—Spoony & The Chick

Spoony ducked and weaved through the throng of people congesting the great, open air shopping plaza, struggling to keep alight with the much smaller but more maneuverable Nostalgia Chick. Once in a while he'd get the chance to catch his breath as she stopped to observe some kiosk or shop window, but he'd look up to see her gone, leading to more crowd dodging in an effort to find her.

He caught up to her as she examined the wares at a Sunglasses Hut across from a large elegant fountain in the center of the plaza.

"So…*pant*, are you hungry? We got Burger King…Buffalo Wild Wings…"

"Nope, I don't like those places." The Chick said firmly without glancing an eye towards her travelling companion.

"Oh, well we have a Chili's…"

"Nope."

"Little—"

"Uh-uh"

"—Ceaser's. I'm just going to go stare at the fountain until it's time to leave then." Spoony fought the urge to lash out at his callous friend and walked towards the dancing water dejectedly, hands in his pockets.

The Chick perused the rack of shades, picking up a large amber pair to examine. As she did she felt the shadow of the cart's clerk fall across her as he came up from behind.

"May I help you with anything today ma'm?" he asked as The Chick turned the shades over in her hand.

"Yeah, I think I'll take this set."

"Oh no," said the clerk with an air of knowing. "I've got a pair here that would suit you _much_ better."

The Chick turned to face him. "No, I really think I like these ones—Handsome Tom?"

The figure of the eponymous Game Hero towered over the Chick, ogling her from behind crazy goggles. His peculiar taste in eyewear didn't register with The Chick however.

"Tom, you Ass! You and Mickey were supposed to watch Spoony today. What is this, a joke?"

Tom shrugged, and then grabbed the Chick by the throat, lifting her into the air.

"Jerk! Jerk!" The Chick gasped as Tom's fingers closed on her esophagus. "Sp-Spoony!"

Spoony looked up, his hand inches from the shallow pool in the fountain where someone had thrown a gold dollar. "Eh? Handsome Tom?"

"AND 8-BIT MICKEY!"

"Gah!" Spoony cried as he felt something leap up upon his back, pushing him into the reflecting pool. 8-Bit Mickey rapped a tattoo out upon Spoony's head with his fists as Spoony struggled in the water. Gathering up his strength, he grabbed Mickey's arms and pinned them against his chest. Spoony turned over in the water, submerging the head of his attacker. Mickey struggled as Spoony felt the bubbles flow past his ear, counting the seconds. The body went limp, and Spoony hauled Mickey out over the edge of the pool and checked his vitals. Still breathing.

"Aiiieee!"

A shrill, high pitched cry echoed across the plaza and Spoony looked up, wincing at what he saw. Handsome Tom lay in the fetal position, clutching his unmentionables as the Chick stood over him, admiring her new sunglasses in a small compact mirror.

"Looks like Handsome Tom ain't handsome anymore." She looked up at her soaking wet companion standing beside a dazed 8-bit Mickey. "What do you suppose has gotten into these two?"

"Same thing that's gotten into them!" Spoony pointed to his left to see shoppers who had stopped to watch the fight being pushed violently aside. Phelous and Coldguy emerged from the crowd, looking enraged, and advanced upon the reluctant duo. Spoony rushed over and grabbed the frozen Chick and ran through the plaza, dodging though alleys and shops in an effort to lose their pursuers. They ducked behind a garbage dumpster as Phelous and Coldguy ran by without seeing them.

"I'm going to try to contact Ellis or Larios and try to find out what's going on." said the Chick as she fumbled in her purse for her Channel Awesome communicator. "What do you suppose—"she began but stopped when she saw the distressed look on Spoony's face.

"Did you see them? Did you see the eyes? I was him, I know it was. He's behind all of this…"

Nostalgia Chick goggled at her friend trying to register his babblings. "You meant that weirdo who lives in your house? Doctor Stupid?"

"Insano! I can hear his evil cackling even now…"

"No spazz, that's the communicator. Hello? This is the Nostalgia Chick, We've been attacked. Can anyone over there hear me? Over."

"Czzck? Zpoony? Zzzz is Mike, come in!"

"Ellis? What the hell is going on?"

"It's that epic fail guy, he's destroying the Channel Awesome building!"

The Chick and Spoony glanced at each other and back to the communicator. "We we just attacked by Phelous, Coldguy and the Game Heroes, but we lost them. Can you port yourself out of there?"

"There's nowhere safe! No, no wait! There is one place, but—No. We have no choice."

"Whatever, just get us out of here and save yourself!"

"No! I have to stay behind and destroy the teleporter so they can no longer use the grid! Look, get out of the place I send you as soon as possible, and rendezvous at Paw's Bunker, it's not on the grid and it's the most fortified place I can think of; unless Paw has been changed. I—Oh no! It's the Epic Fail Guy!"

"_Sean, My name is Sean!"_

"Look, I'm really sorry about this… Keep away!"

"Sorry about what?" yelled Spoony "Where are you sending us?"

"There!"

Spoony and the Chick looked up to see Phelous, Coldguy, and the injured Game Heroes blocking off the end of the alley, moving closer and closer. As they did though, Spoony and The Chick could feel themselves evaporating, being teleported over a great distance.

"Good luck guys; It's up to you!" cried Mikes voice from the communicator.

*Bzzzapp!*

The two felt themselves materialize and land in a slimy, muddy pit.

"What the hell?" said the disoriented Spoony as the two peeked over the edge of the pit, dug out of what appeared to be an otherwise elegant and conservative study. "Who on the grid just puts a big pit in their house?"

They heard footsteps behind them and turned to find the answer to his question.

"Hey, it's the Critic!" shouted the Chick.

"That's not the Critic…" groaned Spoony, his voice laced with horror.

"Well, well, well, Visitors!" said That Guy With The Glasses with glee, "Guten Tag! Oh the fun we're going to have!"


	5. Chapter 5

Note-_I have mixed feelings about this chapter. I think it starts out strong but ends on a weak note, and it was a bit of a marathon writing it. When I first envisioned it I had it split into two seperate sections divided by a chapter featuring Sage, but I moved that back a bit more. The good news is that after this I'm very confident about the rest of the story. Thank You, and trust me that everything will be explained in due time._

_Also, the NC's hard-drinking, callous personality is for comedic value only._

Chapter 5 - The Nostalgia Critic

Elsewhere, the bearded man known to millions everywhere as the Nostalgia Critic, Critic to his enemies, and N.C. to his friends, was rudely awaken from his 3rd nap of the day. He stretched out on the antique chesterfield, muttering swears under his breath. Putting on his spectacles he got up and shunted over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a scotch, grumbling. The most powerful film critic in the world should _Not _have to make his own drinks. Pushing the glasses up upon the bridge of his nose he peered up at the source of his chagrin, a flashing red light accompanied by a low siren.

*_whoop, whoop, whoop*_

It was the most sensitive security system money could buy, complete with bear traps, tiger pits, heat detecting turrets, and all sorts of toys spread out along the most luxurious estate in Illinois. The continued siren implied, however, that these devices had failed and that whomever had trespassed was still advancing upon the mansion. The Critic's eyes narrowed. The beloved media darling of the nation should not have to deal with this.

"MA-TI! Deal with this shit, will you?" He called for his manservant. "And get more scotch!" He added, eyeing the bottle.

The Critic slumped back onto the couch, eyeing the alarm light. Eschewing the glass, he continued taking long swigs from the bottle. 3 minutes passed with the light still flashing. Wiping the excess alcohol from his mouth with an arm cover off the chesterfield, he stared down the alarm, daring it to continue. It dared.

_*whoop, whoop, whoop. Bzzt.* _That one was the doorbell.

"MA-TI! Dammit." He stood up and took his 9mm handgun out from the folds of his blazer. He was sorely tempted to send his friend and colleague back to…to…to wherever it was that he found him in the first place. Quick-paced and furious, the Critic strode out of the lounge and into the front hallway, cocking the gun as he walked. When he reached the front door he took a moment to compose himself, then threw open the door.

"Alright buddy, you have 5 seconds to talk before-Linkara? And everyone else…" He said, noting the growing crowd of reviewers gathered around his front porch. "You could've called. Whats with the goggles? You look ridiculous."

Linkara smiled wide beneath the crazy goggles that hid his eyes. ""New prescription! And I'm sorry I didn't call old friend. Sometimes I just don't like to announce myself. You know, like this!"

Linkara delivered his trademark blow to the Nostalgia Critic's gut, causing the N.C. to double over in pain. "_Ma-Ti…help…" _moaned the Critic , but looked up to see his lifelong manservant laughing along with the rest of the zombies. Linkara made a hand signal and the frenchman, Benzaie, ran over and pinned the Critic's arms behind his back.

"Lets end this!" Shouted Linkara to the cheers of his countrymen. He grasped the knot and ends of the Nostalgia Critic's tie and began to tighten it, shutting off the Critic's air.

_This is it, _thought the Critic as his life essence ebbed away, _I'm going to die. Me, the one person on earth who has never done any wrong. I'm going to die just like Christ, except I'm better looking. Oh well, Let it never be said my life was unfulfilled. I can hear the voice of my maker calling me even now…_

"_Go limp, go limp!"_ muttered Benzaie's voice in his ear.

_Hm. I never imagined my maker as having such an incomprehensible voice. Ah, but what man can fathom the divine mystery, that-_

_"It's a ruse, dammit. GO LIMP!"_

The N.C didn't have to be told twice. He closed his eyes and relaxed his muscles, burdening Linkara with his dead weight. Linkara smirked and threw the Critic to the ground, allowing him to breath again.

Linkara raised his fist into the air with triumph. "The Nostalgia Critic is dead! Long live the Reign of Goggles!" as the mindless crowd cheered around him the Critic chanced to peek one eye to see Linkara holding one finger to the side of his goggles. "Yes, he's dead. So if its ok by you, Benzaie and I will dispose of…What?" Linkara paled "His head? Er-Are you sure? I mean, it would get smelly after a while. No, no, I'm quite sure he's dead. Benzaie can vouch for-"

"Oh yes! He's really most sincerely dead!"

"-for it. Thank you Benzaie. So if you'd like, I could grab his hat, or his tie. It'd look really good on you, I'm sure." Linkara reached down, but the N.C. held tight to his neckwear.

"You're not taking my tie." hissed the Critic while still trying to play dead.

"Knock it off will you? You're going to die!"

"I don't _care _if I die, I want to look good at my funeral."

"You'll look like a cocky 8th grader going to his first semi-formal, now give me the tie!"

"Hey, is he moving?" someone called from the crowd. Linkara flushed and spun around.

"No, no, he's dead!" he addressed the horde with a nervous grin. "You know how the body, um, relaxes, and, uh, soils itself post-mortem? Well he just did that. Right now. And woo-ee it smells! So, really, You guys wouldn't want to come over here…"

A murmur of dissatisfaction moved through the crowd. Film Brain raised a 9-inch long kitchen knife. "I say we compromise. We'll take his head, and you can keep the tie Linkara. We can stand the smell."

The crowd of reviewers advanced on Linkara, Benzaie, and the Critic bearing a plethora of sharp objects. Linkara looked panicked "O.k., this is not how I planned this out. Benzaie, grab the Critic!" he took out one of his morphers, but this one was unusual. It was silver, with teal buttons along the edge and a thick black spiral encroaching from the center. Linkara grabbed Benzaie's arm and spoke into it "Doc! This is Linkara. Everything's gone pear-shaped, get us out of here!"

Seeing Linkara assisting the hated foe was the last straw for the reviewers. They broke from their slow march into an all out blitz, waving knives and daggers and chainsaws around and screaming "Blood! Blood!" As this happened the Critic looked down to see himself dissolving into blue static, and the last thing he saw before he passed out was the confused look on Film Brain's face as he plunged his knife into the ground where the Critic's stomach had been seconds earlier.

A sweet smell embraced the Critic's nostrils and he opened his eyes to see Linkara standing before him offering a mug of cocoa. The Critic nodded his thanks and looked around. They were in Linkara's bedroom, the lights were turned off and Benzaie peered through the blinds in the window looking out for attackers while a third figure snoozed lazily upon the sofa. The discarded goggles of Linkara and Benzaie lay on a small table next to the bed.

"How're you holding up old friend?" asked Linkara.

At this The N.C. kicked back into cynic mode. "Oh not bad, not bad, considering you two tried to kill me! What the hell is going on?"

Linkara let out a sigh and sat down on the bed next to the Critic. "I wish I could tell you Critic. You know its been less than a week since it all began? I don't think I've even slept in that time. In a way I sort of envy the goggle-zombies. They don't seem to need to sleep."

"That's another thing," interjected the Critic "Why didn't they affect you and Benzaie?"

"Well that's not so hard, they wouldn't have affected you either." upon seeing the confused look on the Critic's face Linkara elaborated. "Look, what do you, Benzaie, and I all have in common?"

The Critic took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes in thought for a moment, only to have it suddenly dawn upon him when he looked down. "We all wear glasses."

Linkara nodded. "The device penetrates the human mind through the eyes but doesn't work when impeded, and up until now their user hasn't been aware of it. And neither," he added, "did their inventor."

"Curse you Linkara, Once this is over I'll eat your brain with fava beans!"

The body on the bed rolled over and sat up, revealing itself to be the sadistic scientist himself, Dr. Insano, disheveled and unshaven. The Critic once again whipped out his 9mm, but Linkara steadied his arm. "The Doctor and I have called a temporary truce, due to similar goals."

"If you call saving the goody-two-shoes world and the desire to extract revenge on one who has humiliated and stolen from you similar goals."

The Critic scratched his head. "So if Insano isn't behind this, who is?"

"That's what we don't understand. We know who it is, but it makes no-" Linkara was interrupted when the goggles that sat on the table began vibrating violently. "Speak of the devil, it seems they want to speak with us." He handed the critic one pair and put the other on himself. "Don't worry, your glasses will protect you."

The Critic placed the goggles over his eyes, and found himself transported to a room he recognized, The boardroom at Channel Awesome HQ. Her sprite-like physique dwarfed by largest chair at the end of the table sat the last person The Critic expected to see, her usual eyewear replaced with the eponymous Insano Goggles. "Goggles? That Chick With The Goggles! Why-How?"

She laughed. "For too long male opinions have controlled the media, giving their reviews on films and games. So we're taking it for ourselves!" She said, indicating those that flanked her along the table, the excited JesuOtaku, The Cat and Little Miss Gamer, who both looked nervous and uneasy, and MarzGurl, her stoic expression revealing nothing. "You, Critic, are the avatar of all that the male dominated C.A. represents. Testosterone filled rants ultimately meaning nothing. For what you represent alone, you and your token puppet, the Chick, must die for the good of all. I am willing, however, to grant leniency to you Linkara despite your treachery. It shows a cunning and strength that so many of you sperm-banks lack these days. Join us, and rule at our feet!"

"No! This is stupid! What did you do, rip your invasion plan out of _Amazons Attack_? Goggles, you helped me with that review, you know how stupid it was. Why are you doing this?"

Goggles merely shook her head. "Then we have no choice Linkara. You will be summarily executed, along with the Critic and the Chick."

The view blinked out and The Critic found himself back in Linkara's room. Linkara took the goggles and snapped them in half. "There's a tracker on each of these. I disabled the one in mine, though, so if there's any more things she'd like to reveal to us she's welcome to do so." He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. "Insano, tell him what they're after."

Insano scowled. The doctor was always unsettling, but somehow The Critic found the goofy, giggling one preferable to the one that was always pissed off. "What I'm about to tell you is, to my knowledge, impossible. This Googles-Chick somehow broke into my secret lair, which is impossible, and stole a set of prototype mind-control. The impossible thing about that is the fact that when I developed them I found I could only control one person at a time, and even that took an insane amount of mental taxation. Only some scientist, eons above my own genius and insanity should be able to do it, but this girl seems to be able to control a whole army without even breaking a sweat."

"The other thing we've been able to find out is that she's after the Time Compressor I built. They want to change the time stream, but the Time Compressor can only go up to a few hours forward and back before kicking out. Frog-man here was repairing it when he was attacked, but his bear has delivered it to the last safe house. It seems though, that she has also found a way to amplify that. Your turn, comic-book-boy."

Linkara was silent for what seemed like eternity as he gathered his words, then spoke "Critic, it looks dark, but with your help the blue light of hope burns that much brighter. Will you lend your talent to the fight that lies before us?"

The Critic thought for a moment. "No."

"Oh." Linkara was taken aback. "Well as the commanding officer of what's left of Channel Awesome's defense, I'm ordering you to help."

"Fine. But when this is over I'm never hanging out with you or Spoony again. Every time we do its always 'Insano this!' and 'Time-travel that!'."

"That's fair. Insano; ready your teleporter and set the coordinates for Paw's Bunker. We've got a counter-coup to rally."


	6. Chapter 6

_Authors Note: Yeah, I know its short. Yeah, this is all I have after 3 months. Its been sort of a long summer for me, and a lot of the drive I had when I first started in March has dwindled a bit. I am dedicated to finishing this though, at the moment its probably about 55-60% complete. I'd like to thank you all for supporting it, and if anyone would be so kind as to do a review of what they think of the product as a whole so far and the directions its taken, I'd really appriciate it. Thanks!_

Chapter 6 – Girls

The lights of Channel Awesome tower were dim. Before being captured and sent down into the catacombs Ellis had cut all main power, forcing the building to operate under auxiliary power. Red emergency lights cast an eerie glow through the darkened halls, where a rhythmic pounding indicated the presence of Hope patrolling the halls. Little Miss Gamer's walked swiftly along the corridors, ducking into nooks and doorways to avoid the zombified workers. She was so focused on arriving to her destination though, that she turned a corner too swiftly and ran straight into Goggles herself, escorted by Angry Joe.

Joe sneered and roughly grabbed the collar of Little Miss Gamer's shirt, but was pacified by a wave of Goggle's hand. Without saying a word the two continued their advance down the hall. Little Miss Gamer jogged down the hall and entered a break room where two of her comrades sat watching television. Marzgurl, on the other hand, was sitting at a table buried deep in maps of the landscape around the relay tower.

Little Miss Gamer sat down between The Cat and JesuOtaku on the couch, while the TV. flickered with images of the home shopping network.

"Why are you guys watching this?" she asked. Nobody replied.

J.O. was the first to speak up. "You guys ready to bust some heads?" she asked with an air of smug satisfaction.

Cat fidgeted. "Errrr…"

"Emphatically No, Jesu." replied Little Miss Gamer "You know how I feel about the way things have gone."

"This isn't right." mumbled Cat quietly to herself. Little Miss Gamer placed a hand on her shoulder. Cat had once been bright and cheerful, but since the fall had withdrawn, rarely speaking to anyone. Goggles had changed everyone, the formerly energetic Marz now sat nose-deep in her battle plans, her workload having become heavier since Linkara's defection.

Linkara. Miss Gamer felt a sharp pang as she thought of him. Before it was just a game, a big joke, a prank on the boys to mess with their heads. Linkara had always been the defender and champion of every Awesomer, and his defiance meant that this campaign was no longer a game; It was war.

_*WHAM* _The door flew open and Goggles strutted in looking frazzled. As the others stared she moved back and forth across the room waving her arms madly, making incoherent noises. She knocked all of MarzGurl's maps onto the floor and had fallen to the ground writhing and slamming the ground with her fists, finally curling into a ball and laying there, shivering.

"_Our next item up for sale is a useful number from Insano Labs. Ladies, have you ever felt there weren't enough hours in a day? Well heres your answer…"_

Cat gasped and she and Little Miss Gamer scrambled for the remote, but they were too late. Goggles's arm shot out and knocked it away. With great effort she drew herself up and turned her head towards the screen. A quivering smile formed across her lips, breaking into a toothy grin. Her fingers seemed to shake as they dialed.

"Hello? Yes, I'd like to place an order for Item 6060842. Overnight. No Giftwrap." She could barely contain her laughter as she gave her card number to the operator. As she hung up she flew he head back and let loose a full cackle. It was high pitched and wavy at first, but as Cat and Miss Gamer listened, her voice began to change, deeper and more precise. The end was near.


End file.
